Crash and Burn

Have you ever felt like nothing you ever did was enough?
Like... Everything you did is for naught?

... Truth is... I've a disastrously low self-esteem... And in many ways, it has drastically altered the way I think, the stuff that I do and the people I come in contact with...

Today I saw a guy on the bus, probably 20 or 21 years old... Total stranger. He was en-route to NUS...
Obviously a student, due to the books he was carrying, and probably rich, from the accessories he wore.
He had a flawless complexion and his body was... Well... Awesome.

Duh... I couldn't help but gawk at him.

I kept side-glancing for almost 5 minutes... And... Well... I kept on thinking, "this guy has everything - brains, looks, money... And with that; a resultant factor would probably be tons of friends."

It felt really shitty, especially when I'm at a crossroad in my life.
I felt so damn shitty that I clenched my teeth and tear-ed.

After so long, what have I been able to do with my life?
I definitely don't think I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth... Or for that matter, any spoon at all.
I screwed up 9 years of my education, only waking up at sec 4. Which proved too magnificently late.
The price to pay was astronomically pricey.

All my dreams had to be altered to another course.
I spent 6 months rethinking what to do with my life and finally decided - if I can't make my dreams come through, I'll make others do.
And so, my media ambitions started.

Truth be told, i'm tired... I just want to lead a life where I can be secure....

It's tiring.... It's nightmarish...

Sometimes, I wish I could restart my life and do everything right...
But it's... Too late now...


Sigh...